Thursday, September 27, 2007

Michael Vick v. The Juice (Not Steroids)

So the last two weeks gave us some of the dumbest moves ever made by former professional athletes. First, we get the breaking news that O.J. Simpson has been arrested on kidnapping charges, like we didn't see that one coming at some point. Secondly, Michael Vick fails a drug test just weeks after telling us he found God, HE HASN'T EVEN BEEN SENTENCED YET!!!!!!! So which one of the fallen heroes makes more dumbass moves than the other? Tough question huh? EXACTLY my point, which is why the only way to solve it is (were not having an ESPN town hall meeting on this, hosted by creepiest man on the planet Bob Lee) BLOG IT.

O.J. Simpson - I mean to be frank half of America forgets that he even played football. If you said his name 20 years ago these would have been the things that come to mind, Isotoners, Heisman Trophy, and one of the all time greatest backs ever. Fast Forward 20 years, white bronco, isotoners covered in blood, and "if the glove don't fit, you must acquit."

NFL Regulation Football $20.00

Black Sharpie felt tip marker $2.95

Kidnapping for memorabilia you can't profit on . . .

(Mastercard turned this down, they woudln't even return my calls)

I mean, you know when your a little kid and your parents do something really embarrasing that you just want to cringe and bury your head in the sand. Try being OJ's kids . . . he gets off the case from KILLING THEIR MOTHER, and continues to do stupid thing after stupid thing, not only does he do everything but ADMIT he got away with murder, then he goes writes a book about it, for proceeds that he won't even get. After having a crew (whose dumb enough to hang out with O.J. and be part of that posse, HE'S BROKE) he goes into a hotel room, THAT OBVIOUSLY HAS SECURITY CAMERAS AND MICROPHONES, IT'S A CASINO HOTEL!!!!!!!! and then threatens people to get memorabilia off of, that HE CAN'T EVEN PROFIT FROM. People, this is absolute idiocy, to the tenth degree . . . I just want to make it completely clear, memorabilia, can't you go buy some footballs, usc jerseys, bills apparal, and sign them, won't that make it memorabilia. So go do that, rather than threaten to shoot up a hotel room to get shit back from you that you don't need because the money would go straight to the Goldmans, remember the family of the guy you killed. This is why he is O.J. Simpson, and this is why he is a complete and udder donkey.

Michael Vick . . . I actually once uddered the phrase "best quarterback in the game" it is clear to me I did that out of spite for the New England Patriots, and that hick Peyton Manning. A buddy of mine also determined that anytime Michael Vick is in the news, it's a must blog, because who doesn't love a good "I just found God" comment. Next time I get pulled over for speeding, I'm going to tell the cop "I'm going to find God after I get this ticket, you probably should just give me a pass on this one ok?" that always works right? I have some major issues with Michael Vick supporters, I mean like issues as big as Gay marriage to Rosie O'Donnell, type issues, so forgive me for the incoherant rant that is about to take place. . . . ahsfahadghdhfhdfhadf here goes:
1. You all need to get your heads out of your asses . . . . . it is easy for someone to apologize for something after they've gotten caught, you have no other choice i.e. when a guy gets caught cheating, he says "yea, that b*tch was dope though" NOOOOO he says "i'm so sorry, i'll never do it again" we only apologize if we get caught. So when Michael Vick said "I apologize to everyone I have let down, and the children, my fans . . . . ." and on and on and on, then what happens? He tests posistive on a drug test, hahahahahaha CALLED THAT ONE. I'm not saying I wouldn't smoke, drink, gamble, dog fight err scratch that last one, If i knew I was going to jail, but I certaintly wouldn't if I had a Judge who hadn't determined my sentence, and an outside shot at returning to the NFL and making millions of dollars and turning my life around. But thats why I'm not awaiting a sentence in a Federal Pen, and Michael Vick is staring down the barrel of 2 to 5 years in jail.
2. I hate to mention it, because after watching it I almost threw up in my mouth, ESPN had a town hall style meeting on the "VICK DIVIDE" people who are standing up for him becaue of race, and think that the world is just "against" Mike Vick, and people who have half a brain and no he belongs locked up for doing the crime. People much smarter than me spent years developing laws, and why they are laws, so when ESPN poses the question " do you think dog fighting should be illegal?" they are just being moronic in my opinion, because Mike Vick wasn't just fighting dogs, he was murdering them, burying them, gambling on them, not paying taxes on the winnings, and OH YEA he ran a god damn ring across the southern states, THATS AGAINST THE LAW, PERIOD. He is a criminal, I don't care if he is black, white, yellow, purple, or green . . . you don't see me sticking up for Jose Canseco because he took steriods, he's an idiot too, took an illegal drug, should probably be in jail.
So who's the bigger moron? The man who apologized to the world, and said he would make everyone proud and turn his life around, then subsequently got stoned out of his mind and failed a drug test? or Is it the guy who got off a double murder then tried shooting up a Vegas hotel room to get back memorabilia that he could just re-create?
Mike Vick . . . . .He is an embarrassment to his mother, Arthur Blank, every child and adult with a Michael Vick Jersey, Virginia Tech, The City of Atlanta, and most importantly Himself.

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